Bipolar Mommy

I read something the other day that really upset me. Before I say anything else, I respect the decision of this person (who will remain anonymous) as everyone has a right to choose how to live their life. What bothered me is their reasoning. It was a post someone wrote about her decision to not have kids based on the fact that she has bipolar disorder. She feels that, because of bipolar disorder, she won't be able to handle the pregnancy and isn't sure of what kind of mother she would be. She went on to say that she doesn't want to pass on the mental illness to her child. What really put me into tears were some of the comments that people made. Some said if they'd known about their mental illness, they wouldn't have had their kids. Some talked of children suffering.

I'm sure it seems I'm overreacting, but you have to see things from my perspective. As you may know, I have two kids and bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 14. Then, after having both of my kids, at 31 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia. No things have not necessarily been easy. I had my daughter when I was only 18 and had undiagnosed postpartum depression. I've been on many different meds and gone unmedicated for the most part. I've made mistakes. But through it all I have loved my children. Along with my husband, who has been with me through it all, they are my reason for living. They give me structure, purpose, happiness. They are my world.

I know that mental illness is hereditary. My grandmother on my mom's side was schizophrenic. My mom was born in a mental institution and therefor adopted out. I was told once, because of my mental illness, that if she had known of the family history I probably wouldn't be here. Let me say that I do not suffer. Things can be difficult but my bipolar disorder does not define me. It's just how I am. I've learned to make accommodations but it doesn't control me. I have my ups and downs but I am happy. And I couldn't imagine my life without my children.

As for my children, I do not believe they suffer either. My daughter is 15 and about as moody as any other teenage girl. My 8yr old son, on the other hand has ADHD and possibly Asperger syndrome, but he is not suffering. Both are smart, talented, happy, and they make me proud to be their mother. Things may not always be "normal" for them. Their environment may not always be "perfect". But they are always treated with love, respect, and understanding. Those that live a sheltered life don't grow up to appreciate things. They don't learn how to be strong in times of adversity. They don't grow up to be open-minded. Life isn't always perfect for anyone. The life we live makes us who we are. We can let the bad bring us down or we can choose to learn and benefit from it. If my childhood were perfect, I wouldn't be who I am today. So I don't think I'm making my kids suffer at all. They know I'm not perfect or "normal" but they know that I love them and support them, unconditionally.

I love being a mother so much, despite my illness, that we tried to have another child. After a few years of trying, however, we realized it just wasn't meant to be. For reasons unknown, I couldn't get pregnant again. I try not to let it bother me but I'll admit, when I see certain things on t.v., I do get a little emotional. I guess that's another reason why it upset me to read what I did.

I know not everyone is meant to be a parent, or wants to be for that matter. But for those that think they can't be because of bipolar disorder, you are depriving yourself of the greatest joy you will ever know. A child does not need "normal". Give them support and security. Teach them love and understanding. Love them with all your heart. Let their life be your medication.