Bipolar Mommy

I read something the other day that really upset me. Before I say anything else, I respect the decision of this person (who will remain anonymous) as everyone has a right to choose how to live their life. What bothered me is their reasoning. It was a post someone wrote about her decision to not have kids based on the fact that she has bipolar disorder. She feels that, because of bipolar disorder, she won't be able to handle the pregnancy and isn't sure of what kind of mother she would be. She went on to say that she doesn't want to pass on the mental illness to her child. What really put me into tears were some of the comments that people made. Some said if they'd known about their mental illness, they wouldn't have had their kids. Some talked of children suffering.

I'm sure it seems I'm overreacting, but you have to see things from my perspective. As you may know, I have two kids and bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 14. Then, after having both of my kids, at 31 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia. No things have not necessarily been easy. I had my daughter when I was only 18 and had undiagnosed postpartum depression. I've been on many different meds and gone unmedicated for the most part. I've made mistakes. But through it all I have loved my children. Along with my husband, who has been with me through it all, they are my reason for living. They give me structure, purpose, happiness. They are my world.

I know that mental illness is hereditary. My grandmother on my mom's side was schizophrenic. My mom was born in a mental institution and therefor adopted out. I was told once, because of my mental illness, that if she had known of the family history I probably wouldn't be here. Let me say that I do not suffer. Things can be difficult but my bipolar disorder does not define me. It's just how I am. I've learned to make accommodations but it doesn't control me. I have my ups and downs but I am happy. And I couldn't imagine my life without my children.

As for my children, I do not believe they suffer either. My daughter is 15 and about as moody as any other teenage girl. My 8yr old son, on the other hand has ADHD and possibly Asperger syndrome, but he is not suffering. Both are smart, talented, happy, and they make me proud to be their mother. Things may not always be "normal" for them. Their environment may not always be "perfect". But they are always treated with love, respect, and understanding. Those that live a sheltered life don't grow up to appreciate things. They don't learn how to be strong in times of adversity. They don't grow up to be open-minded. Life isn't always perfect for anyone. The life we live makes us who we are. We can let the bad bring us down or we can choose to learn and benefit from it. If my childhood were perfect, I wouldn't be who I am today. So I don't think I'm making my kids suffer at all. They know I'm not perfect or "normal" but they know that I love them and support them, unconditionally.

I love being a mother so much, despite my illness, that we tried to have another child. After a few years of trying, however, we realized it just wasn't meant to be. For reasons unknown, I couldn't get pregnant again. I try not to let it bother me but I'll admit, when I see certain things on t.v., I do get a little emotional. I guess that's another reason why it upset me to read what I did.

I know not everyone is meant to be a parent, or wants to be for that matter. But for those that think they can't be because of bipolar disorder, you are depriving yourself of the greatest joy you will ever know. A child does not need "normal". Give them support and security. Teach them love and understanding. Love them with all your heart. Let their life be your medication.

Fellow Stay-at-home Moms (or Dads)

I've been a stay-at-home mom for a couple years now. The circumstances of my status weren't exactly, um, pleasant. But I won't get into that. Even though both of my kids are in school, I love being here when they get home and when they're on vacation. Sometimes, however, I feel somehow less accomplished. Despite reassurance from family and friends that I'm doing something good and I'm fortunate to be able to stay home, I feel like I should be doing something more; like I'm being lazy. Furthermore, when money gets tight, I feel like I should be contributing financially. When the kids want something, if something breaks, when holidays come around, it would help if I were working too. That's why I started making jewelry and blogging. I love doing things that challenge me mentally and creatively. Unfortunately, my necklaces don't really sell and I don't get paid to write the silly blogs I have.

So, probably like a lot of other moms or dads in my situation, I look for ways to "work at home". There are a ridiculous amount of websites out there that target us. And even more ridiculous is the amount of money they promise. I have become quite skeptical of any site that says you can make money at home. I've found that if you change the way you look for things, sort of indirectly, you can find opportunities to earn a few extra bucks. Nothing, of course, that would earn you an actual hourly wage. But I figure something is better than nothing. There's a couple of email click/survey/shopping sites that I do okay on. One I'd mentioned before, Inbox Dollars. My favorite is MyPoints. I just got my 4th $50 gift card in the mail the other day. I've tried some other survey sites but I haven't had much luck. I never seem to qualify for the surveys.

Then there's affiliate sites...
Affiliate marketing is a type of performance-based marketing in which a business rewards one or more affiliates for each visitor or customer brought about by the affiliate's own marketing efforts. The industry has four core players: the merchant (also known as 'retailer' or 'brand'), the network (that contains offers for the affiliate to choose from and also takes care of the payments), the publisher (also known as 'the affiliate'), and the customer. -via Wikipedia

I tried Google Affiliate Network awhile back, didn't do much with it, and deleted the blog I was using it on. I hadn't really thought about it since. Then, the other day, I came across another network called ShareASale. So far I like the looks of it. It seems to be less formal than Google Affiliate Network and more user friendly. Which is a good thing if you're not a computer genius. The application was easy and I was accepted in a day. I haven't placed any ads yet, but I'm fairly optimistic. Of course I'm being rational and I know I won't make tons of money. But it couldn't hurt to try. Check out ShareASale.

Have you tried to make money online? What have you tried and has it worked?

Ambitious Much?

And now for my next act... I've created a Facebook page. Pockets Of Wildflowers can now be found on Facebook. The page is mostly to promote my etsy shop, but I also want a space to share sites for materials and inspiration with fellow crafters. If you're interested, stop by and give me a like... www.facebook.com/PocketsOfWildflowers

A New Name

I finally did it... I came up with a name for my etsy shop! I have to admit, it was not my first choice. Or my second and so on for that matter. Gypsy Soul would have been my first choice. I can't believe how many shops there are on etsy just with the word gypsy in their name! And I certainly didn't want something hokey like Kerry's Kreations. Lol. But I like the name I came up with. Even if it is the name of a book I've never read. But it suits me, as my hubby would say. Picture me in a sundress, barefoot in my garden, picking daisies for the kitchen table. Yup! And of course the things I make tend to evoke that playful summer style. So yeah, I like it!

The logo banner took me hours to make. First I had to find the right pictures to use. I think Holly Hobbie and vintage wallpaper fit perfectly. Then I had to figure out my new art software. I have ArtWeaver, which is great, but my Dad had recommended Gimp. I downloaded it a couple months ago and figured this was the perfect chance to try it out. It's a lot like ArtWeaver but has a lot more to it. Which means a lot more to figure out. I don't think I did too bad for my first attempt. You can download it at Gimp.org

And if you haven't checked it out yet, visit my shop at Pockets Of Wildflowers

Today's Mail

Yay! Free samples in the mail today!

·Nivea body wash for men. It smells so good!
·Folgers vanilla biscotti flavored coffee. Yum!

I love freebies! What freebies have you received in the mail lately?

Happiness Is...

Bare feet in the grass.

Give Free eGift Cards

I found this through one of my favorite freebie sites. I thought there would be a catch to it but none seen so far. You send free $10 eGift cards for Restaurant.com to your friends and family. If you don't know what Restaurant.com is, it's a site where you buy gift certificates to select restaurants at a discount. An example is say for $10 you can buy a $25 gift certificate. Some restaurants have restrictions as to how or when the certificate is used but it's usually excluding things like holidays or alcohol. Not too bad considering. So anyway, Feed it Forward by Restaurant.com lets you send free $10 eGift cards that your friends and family can use to buy these gift certificates. You can send up to 15 Facebook requests a day and as many emails as you want. Pretty neat way to send a little something to everyone when money is tight.

He Tricked Me...

Damian: Hey Mom, I see something under there!

Me: Under where?

Damian: Hahahaha! You said underwear!

Happiness Is...

A warm Saturday in December! It's 60° here in DE!

Baked Meatballs and Penne

This is something pretty easy to throw together. I made it from what I call “pantry” items. They are things I pick up when we go to BJ’s so I always have them on hand.

Ingredients

• About 20 meatballs halved then quartered
• 1 box of whole grain penne
• 1 24oz jar of marinara sauce
• 2 boxes of Green Giant antioxidant veggies (broccoli, carrots, and peppers in sauce)
• ½ cup French’s fried onions
• 1 cup shredded mozzarella 

Directions

1. Preheat oven to  350°
2. Heat veggies in microwave for about 3mins.
3. Saute meatballs and fried onions with a little bit of olive oil in a skillet until meatballs start to brown
4. Add veggies and marinara to skillet and turn to simmer
5. Meanwhile, cook pasta according to package (I usually cook 2mins. longer so the pasta isn’t too firm.)
6. Mix together cooked pasta and marinara mixture and pour into a 9×13 baking dish.
7. Top with cheese and bake about 15mins. depending on how brown you like your cheese.

My Newest Creations

Pink and Black Beaded Necklace

I've been making and selling necklaces for about 5yrs now. I have a shop on Etsy that I've yet to come up with a good name for. These are the necklaces I just made and listed this past week.

Turquoise and White Beaded Choker

You can see them and other items, including my reversible headbands, at knason13 on Etsy

Happiness Is...

A pit bull smile!

Online Rewards

You hear about websites that you can earn money from all the time. Most of them you get money or points by taking surveys. A lot of them you're lucky if you qualify for the surveys. Inbox Dollars is a pretty good one. You also get paid for clicking on emails or doing other simple tasks. You can even earn by shopping. I've earned about $45 so far. It's taken a little time but it's worth it when it's so simple to earn. Check it out...

I'm Baaack!

Well hello there! Where have you been?

Sorry. I've been busy.

Excuses, excuses. I though maybe you'd forgotten about us.

Nah. Things have been really hectic lately. Trying to find time, much less motivation, has been almost impossible.

Well, it's good to see you!

Thanks! I'm glad to be back. I have so much I want to share.

Then quit talking to me and get to it...

Letter From My Dad

Being Bipolar I have my ups and downs. When I'm down I tend to be concerned as to whether I'm good enough, and is it acceptable to not work, shouldn't I have a career, and things of that nature. My husband and my dad end up burdened by my concerns with my need for reassurance. I feel bad about it but I think sometimes we all need someone to reinforce that we are doing a good job. Whether it's as a mother, a spouse, an employee. Whatever it is that we do, it's good to know that we make a difference; that we matter.

Last week I asked my dad a question. His immediate response was, "Yes, I'm proud of you! You are NOT a waste!" The next day I got this email.

You said you wondered if you’re doing enough with your life. I’ve wondered the same thing, and for a longer time. But look around at all the people in the world. Not every one of us can make a great scientific discovery, write the next great novel, or design the next amazing bridge, or something else that memorable. Most of us have to be content to make our marks on the world in much smaller ways, and have the faith that those smaller ways somehow add up to something equally as important as the singular things done by the famous, if not nearly as tangible. How you raise your children, the nice thing you say to a friend, the courtesy you show to a stranger at the store, those little things add up! Like the butterfly effect those little things you do every day, usually without even thinking about it, can have a major effect somewhere in the future.

You teach your children to keep trying, even when they fail. Years later they encourage a classmate in college to do the same. More years pass, as that person raises his child the same way. That child grows up to become a cancer researcher who, after failing repeatedly to find a cure for some form of cancer, and refusing to give up, finally succeeds. Without your small contribution, the whole chain of events might never have happened!

That person who walked into the store ahead of you was in a bad mood. Your kindness in opening the door for them and smiling at them jogged them out of it. As a result, when they got home they didn’t yell at their husband. The husband didn’t storm out of the house and go down to the bar. He didn’t get drunk and try to drive home, so he didn’t get hit that pedestrian. That pedestrian grew up, married, and had a child. That child grew up to become a famous writer. Your unthinking moment of kindness saved a marriage, saved a life, saved a family, and let the world experience the writer’s genius.

So have faith that you ARE doing enough with your life, just by doing the best you can. Be encouraging, be supportive, be kind, be nice. Those actions DO matter! Don’t envy the famous. They often have but one shot at making a difference. You can make a difference every day!

The Real Burn of Burnt Food

With scientific research comes more knowledge of things that are bad for us and we're left to make decisions based on what we know. We want to live life to the fullest, but we also want to live long and healthy lives. Some things we can't help. But everything else is a matter of omission, moderation, or indulgence.

I was drawn to an article about foods that are even better when they're burnt. Keeping in mind when they/I say burnt it means edible burnt. Who doesn't love a char-broiled hamburger, the crispy skin of a grilled hot dog, grilled corn, roasted peppers? And nothing says homemade mac and cheese or lasagna like brown crusty cheese. As with many things that we love to enjoy, the burn is bad for your health. Wait, what?

There was a slight "disclaimer" in the article that burnt foods may be unhealthy and a few comments that mention carcinogens, so that sparked my curiosity. I'd known that charcoal grilling adds carcinogens to your food and as with anything bad for you, should be enjoyed in moderation. But beautiful burnt cheese? I went to ask.com and typed "is burnt food carcinogenic?". I found this very informative article What's wrong with burnt food?.

This article explains that carcinogens are substances either known or believed to cause cancer. They occur both naturally and unnaturally in the environment and almost always make it into and/or onto our food. This, unfortunately, we really can't help. But we can keep it from getting much worse. When you cook these foods, you get chemical reactions called Maillard reactions. This is when amino acids react with reducing sugars. This is the good stage but there's a fine line between this and bad for you. When the heat is prolonged or the temperatures are too high; when things start to go from brown to black, thus starts pyrolysis. Pyrolysis changes the Miallard reaction molecules into carcinogenic compounds. Not only that, but you've greatly reduced the nutritional value of your food.

There's more information and quite a few tips on minimizing carcinogens on these sites:

www.healthy-food-site.com
live-in-green.com

Getting Going

It seems there are always setbacks in our attempts to accomplish things. What we have to remember is, no matter how big the setback or how trivial the goal may be, we always have to keep going. No matter how many setbacks there are, we always have to try again. Perseverance and determination are important in our pursuit of success and happiness.

So far I've been a bit slow at starting on my goals. Sunday night however, I made things a bit easier. I was exhausted and fell asleep around 10pm. That may not seem very early but for me it was hours before my usual bedtime. Normally falling asleep that early would be a nap and I'd wake up an hour or so later. I didn't wake up til 5am. For some reason I woke up feeling very cheerful so I stayed up. Monday night I could barely stay up long enough to get my son off to bed. This time I woke up at 7am when the man got home from work. And once again, very cheerful. I was thinking, maybe this won't be so hard. I can go to bed early and without the sound of video game machine guns and explosions. I can take up the whole bed with no one blocking the fan. Well, I still have to make room for the dogs. Best of all, I can wake up early and have all day to get things done. Unfortunately, last night was not that easy. I was on the phone for 2hrs with my dad. Which wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't caught my second wind sometime during the conversation. Afterwards, I made myself go to bed anyway only to be woken up at 5am by a puppy that needed to go potty. Falling back to sleep was almost impossible with a dog pacing on the hardwood floor downstairs. So I get up to take the other one out and didn't fall back to sleep til almost 6:30. Needless to say I wasn't ready to get up at 7am and ended up sleeping late. Oh well, try again tonight, right?

The List

My last post I promised a list of goals. Not in any particular order, but I saved the most important for last.

2. Yoga
I've always loved yoga and how great it makes me feel. One of the many things I start-and-stop.

3. Jewelry-making
I love creating and jewelry I'm pretty good at. Another thing I start-and-stop.

4. Sleep
I need to get on a better sleep schedule. Not very easy when the hubby works nights though. I tend to sleep when he does.

5. Yardsale
Ugh! I've been putting this off for a couple years.

6. Disability (please don't judge)
I started the process but when they sent the questionnaire it overwhelmed me and never finished it.

7. Cooking
I cook most nights but I'd like to experiment with new and healthier foods again. I'm stuck in a food rut.

8. Baking
I love to bake but I don't do it as much as I could. I'd like to finally start on my breads book from the French Culinary Institute.

9. Reading
I have a bunch of books I've either never read or started and never finished

10. Housework
I need a housework schedule I can follow so maybe I'll do it.

Once I finished the list and sat back and looked at it I realized, most of my goals are doing things for me. At first I felt like I was being selfish. But then the more I thought about it the more I realized that these are, for the most part, things that make me happy. Even housework makes me happy by making me feel accomplished. How can I expect to make others happy if I myself am not happy, right? So many times in our busy lives we let ourselves fall to the wayside. We handle the laundry, the homework, dinner, appointments, the groceries, etc. and when we finally get a chance to unwind we zone out on t.v. or FaceBook. We don't take the time to do for ourselves what makes us happy and healthy. This in turn can make us rather irritable and less apt to deal with our day-to-day responsibilities. So in setting my "motivation goals", I am doing so with this overall goal in mind:

1. Be a better person

Motivationally Speaking

I started writing a book once, which is actually pretty ironic, that starts off describing motivation and lack there of.

Have you ever lay in your bed at night feeling good about yourself; optimistic? And as you lay there with your eyes closed, drifting off, you make this silent affirmation, "Tomorrow I'll do better."? You promise yourself with good intentions only to find, when you wake the next day, the motivation is gone; disappointment taking its' place.

I read something on a blog recently that reminded me of this. It was about taking small steps to dig yourself out of a rut. By setting goals, even just writing them down, you set things in motion to change. I will admit that I am definitely stuck in a rut. Motivation has never been one of my strengths. And when I finally start something I rarely finish or stick with it. Be that as it may, I am always willing to try at doing better. I'm even willing to try things again. I started blogging once, quit, and started that back up. So, I'm going to compile a list on here for all the world to see. A short one of course so I don't overwhelm myself. I just want to set some goals for myself to get this metaphoric ball rolling. I figure if I blog about working toward, and hopefully reaching, these goals then it will give me more incentive. I'm going to take a couple days to work on this. I need to decide whats most important to me. There can't be any room for me to pick and choose the insignificant.

I'm already feeling motivated to start my list.

Genetically Modified Foods

Labeling Genetically Modified Foods: Our Right to Know

Read more: http://www.motherearthnews.com/sustainable-farming/labeling-genetically-modified-foods-zm0z12jjzphe.aspx#ixzz22jhdAhWc


I came across this article on Mother Earth News that reminded me of something rather funny. At least, I find it funny now. It was actually kind of disturbing at the time. I was taking lithium for bi-polar disorder a few years back and my family and I had gone to WalMart. Let me say first that lithium did not quite work the way it was supposed to. Anyway, my husband picks up a peach and calls to my attention how large it was. This peach was huge! All of a sudden I start ranting, quite loudly and to the embarrassment of my family, about growth hormones. It didn't help that they were grown locally either considering we have tons of chicken farms here. So this tirade went on and on about them using "growth hormones in the chickens and fertilizing the peaches with chicken shit" and "the growth hormones leaking into the peaches" and "that's why girls are going through puberty at an earlier age and getting bigger boobs". I even pointed at my large chested daughter as an example, the poor thing. Needless to say my husband pulled me out of there quickly and I'm not taking lithium anymore.

When you think about it though, it's not really that farfetched. Especially after reading articles like this. The FDA doesn't care what the people want. They are only concerned with making big corporations happy. Big food corp. is most likely paying large sums of money to the FDA to keep the labels off their foods. Nothing would make a pack of tomatoes more appealing than a big gleaming "Genetically Modified" label and nothing would scream "buy me!" more than a "Grown with Growth Hormones" label.

What's even more disturbing is that big food corp. can lie to us based on FDA standards. Some foods can still call themselves "natural" even though they've been genetically modified or claim 0 grams trans fat when there's partially hydrogenated oils in the ingredients. Hydrogenated oils ARE trans fat. The FDA has given them enough leeway so that as long as it's under a certain amount, they can still "claim" zero.

As long as big food corp. is happy making their money off our ignorance, then the FDA is happy to appease them and line their own pockets. The only time the FDA seems to listen to us little people is if we make a big enough uproar. Then it's only to make it look like they're actually doing their job "protecting" us.

There's a petition on Just Label It to tell the FDA we have a right to know what's in our food.

Ultimate Fudge Brownies

Ok, I have to brag. I made brownies last night that came out amazing! You know how sometimes when you alter a recipe it totally screws it up? Well, this was not one of those times.

I followed the recipe for ultimate brownies on the back of the Tollhouse semi-sweet morsels, for the most part. It called for adding 1cup of the morsels (not melted) to the batter. So I took the remaining morsels and melted them with a bit of butter and added that to the batter as well. It did take some extra time to bake. I think they baked for an hour. The recipe also called for a chocolate butter-cream frosting. I left that out. I didn't want a chocolate overload. Lol. Although I may try it next time.

I don't think I ever follow a recipe exactly. It's too much fun to experiment.

Artweaver

Last week I downloaded this fun art software called Artweaver. I got it off of www.cnet.com and it was free. When I was quite a bit younger I did a lot of oil pastels and watercolors. With limited resources now, the thought of making art digitally was very appealing.

There are so many cool things you can do with this software. For example the flowers were cut from photographs I'd taken awhile back. And you don't have an undo button on a canvas. Hehehe.

I know my "artwork" is a bit amateur but it was a lot of fun.

Hello

Ok, I'll start out with a picture of us so you have an idea of what you're getting yourself into ;) This was taken at my daughter's 8th gr. graduation. It's the best recent photo of us though it was taken a little over a year ago. She's starting 10th gr. in less than a month.